Because I Still Miss You
by YueSoEul
Summary: Because even when time passed; I still have you in my heart. You're still every part of it that still beats. I love you, I miss you.


I'm writing this because I'm at work, the system is down and I basically have NOTHING to do. Literally, I've done disc clean up on my computer for the nth times and decided, I've had just had about enough. Seriously, I am dying here! Several songs inspired this one-shot and if you feel like listening, I could basically link you to the songs, but there are a couple local songs (local to me) in the mix, so, you'd probably have no idea what the song are all about. Sorry, I suck at translating, if I wasn't I would have translated them all for you… **One-shot**!

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A tall figure of an old man stood tiredly on the hill overlooking the most beautiful scenery. It was too early in the morning that would be enough to make anyone wanted to roll back to sleep, anyone but the man. After what it seemed to be the longest time, he slowly turned away from the scenery, looking back at the cold marble stone standing as a grave mark. His face was solemn but it was obvious that he had aged well, he could still turn heads and many women young or old would have still thrown themselves at his feet. But no, he had never acted on any of it. Once, yes, once he would have taken the advantage and went all out, but not anymore. Not when the only one he had his eyes on were lying deep in the ground before him, turning to dust with the passage of time.

She was his everything, from the moment she walked into his life, even when he didn't know it then, she had started to become important to him. She was his lifeline, his muse his best friend, the love of his life, his wife. She was everything to him and even after years passed that she was no longer there, she was still the most important person in the world to him. He missed her; he never tried to hide that fact, no even once. But, he never fell down on his knees or lost himself. No, he couldn't afford that, she would have been severely disappointed with him; he can't even bear the thought of her worrying about him. God knows she had done a whole load of that. She helped through everything, even when he pushed her away, she had stuck around.

Once, yes, once, he did manage to cause her to walk away. Not that she had given up on him, no, she would not give up on him. She had just given up on the idea of him loving her. He would never admit it then, but watching her walked away from him was the worst feeling he had ever had to face. He could manage anything, he had trained himself to conceal his feelings, but right then, if she had turned back, she would have definitely seen his confused and longing gaze. He was battling with himself, part of him wanted to go after her, the other was holding him back. He was not good enough for her; he believed that with all his heart. It took him a while, no, it took him immediately to realize he couldn't exist, not if she wasn't there by his side, he refused to loose her to another person. He cannot even thought about it.

He decided then, right in that moment that he would be the best version of himself. He made her a promise which he kept and she gave everything to him; her friendship, love, inspiration and companionship. She was there through everything, the ups and the downs of his life. For a while, he was happy, he was truly happy. But, that was the thing about happiness. They both thought it would last forever, he had wished that it would last forever. All those years longing for her, reinventing himself for her and then only to loose her like that. He had hated fate for it. He had hated how it cruelly taken her away from him. She was his everything, no money or possessions could ever match up her importance in his heart. Only his friends could understand, even so, they had told him to move on.

Moving on, it sounded like the simplest term, but it was the hardest of thing to do. Her smile, her laughter, her voice, all of those lingers in his thoughts. Every day, every hour, even minute, hell, every second. Not a moment gone by without her on his mind. Then she came to save him again, like she always did. She taught him to live again; she taught him that he could still exist even without her in the world. It was painful, it was beyond anything, but he survived the days without her. He became even better; he became the man she knew he could be. He worked hard through everything; he gave his all to prove to her, she was right about him all along.

"I miss you," He whispered to the wind as his gaze fixed on the grave. "Today more than ever," He said, the obvious trace of grieve was there and it was hard to miss. Slowly, he sat down by the side of the grave, not caring if he was to damage his suit. "How long has it been?" The man continued to talk, trying to remember the years that passed. "Twenty years, I've been missing you for twenty years," He stated quietly. It felt like it was just yesterday that she was by his side. In his dreams, she was, in his dreams she never failed to show. Twenty years, that was how long it had been since he had laid his eyes on her. Her beauty would never fade to him, how can it? She died too young, way before any wrinkles could betray her beautiful face. To be honest, he would have rather take all the wrinkles and old age if she was there by his side. He still needed her and yet she was gone from his sight.

"It had been that long, hasn't it?" He said, chuckling slightly at his own words. "Yoon Soo, she's getting married tomorrow," He added slowly. "Our little girl, she's all grown up now, I wish you're here, there are things she should hear from you," He continued. "She missed you more than ever, she didn't say it in so many words, but, it's hard to ignore," He went on, frowning, thinking of how his daughter went to extreme length to keep the talk of her own mother to a minimal so that he wouldn't be missing her too much. It shouldn't be that way, Yoon Soo was suppose to be able to talk about her own mother, she was suppose to be able to talk to her with him. No, her mother was suppose to be right there with her, but, she wasn't.

He sighed, tracing his palm on the cold stone. It was so contradicting. She was warm, nothing like the stone. He remembered it, how her kisses were like fire and her touch were like a warmly lit room. It felt right and safe. It was like coming home, she gave him a home, not just a house, a home. "Jan Di had been there for her; I suppose she'd know exactly what you'd say," He stated, remembering how the wife of his best friend had been the biggest support throughout the whole wedding ordeal. "I kind of hate it though," He admitted before adding; "The thought that someone else knew you better than me," followed by a dry chuckle. No, he didn't really hate it, he was... He was just hoping that things could have turned out differently.

"Still, I guess I can get over that, she was your best friend, and she ought to know you well enough…" He stated appreciatively. Silence filled in as he pictured what it would be like if she was still there. It would probably be a riot. Yoon Soo would probably be lying sprawled on her mother's thigh, listening to every bit of wisdom being passed to her. He would probably be standing by the door, listening in, smiling. She would probably be telling their daughter of their first meeting. He could imagine how she would scrunch her nose disapprovingly and Yoon Soo would do the same. He could hear their laughter and he would walk in them, feigning anger before laughing along.

"Ga Eul… Was I good enough for you?" He snapped back to reality, finding himself asking the question again. The same question he had been asking himself for the past twenty years without her in his life. "I kept wondering if I was, if I had given you the life you wanted," He stated thoughtfully. He wished he had, he wish he had given her everything and more. "I know it can't have been easy to be married to me," He confessed, he was probably not the best husband in the world. He wondered if he was good enough. "Still, I was happy Ga Eul, when you're there, to have you as my wife and as the mother of my children, I was happy," He stated sincerely, tracing the cold stone lovingly. "So happy that I wish I could go back, but, I know I can't," He added as a quiet tear trickle down his face. "I'll see you again," He promised as he struggled to his feet. "I promise, we'll see each other again," He added before turning away, walking back to the remainder of his life. He would have to wait it out, the moment when he would be able to see her smiling face again.

_"I, So Yoon Soo, take..." _

Yi Jeong closed his eyes as he exhaled slowly; watching his children growing up and making families of their own was a blessing. He wished she was there to share every moment, but she wasn't. Still, sometimes, at times like today, he could almost hear her voice and her soft arms tugging onto his. She was still there... _I still miss you, wait for me. _

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It took me a while to post this because I forgot all about it. It was sitting in my USB Drive and if it hadn't been for the fact that I was bored, I wouldn't even revisit it...

Written: August 17th, 2011

Originally posted on "Lovers Unparalleled" 23rd January 2012


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